>> Jul 1, 2009
I am reading Have a New Kid by Friday. It's by K Leman. Apparently Zach did not get the memo that mommy is changing her ways. I do not think I'm a bad mom, but I know I can be a better mom. I know the chaos in my home is loving and no one wants for anything.. except me. I'd like my sanity.. I apparently left it in the maternity ward.
Per the book, *I* am the problem.
Or at least that's the idea I've gotten so far. I'm ok with that, I am the adult and I do know.. I am the problem. I lack consistency and I repeat myself too much. (I tell my boys this all the time, but I now have that on high authority that I shouldn't be doing it.) In repeating yourself you tell your kids that a) they are too stupid to understand the first time and/or b) they don't have to listen the first time because I will tell them again.. and again.. and again...I also reward negative behavior with attention and reaction. I accept this, I do react, I am a "yeller". This reaction and attention creates a situation where a child who feels he's attention deprived (Zach) tries more negative behaviors to get more of the said attention.
The book is written in steps.. Monday is to observe.. I observed the above and so much more. Tuesday is to do an attitude check. I checked mine.. (a few times I'm human.. it did a few encore performances)
Today I'm trying to practice a few things. Like the advice that if your child does something for attention.. like walks over to your beloved Pitt Pen and hovers a hand over it to pick it up.. knowing it's a big NO-NO.. and looks at you with that look. You know that look. It's the 3 yr olds way of telling you he knows what he's doing and knows you are going to yell. It's the 3 yr olds way of getting mommy up and moving. It's the 3 yr olds version of fetch, where mom's the dog.
So today.. I practiced. Zach looked at me and hipped Keagan. Not a full push, not anything to do with Keagan. Keagan didn't fall down, just wobbled a bit. I inhaled.. exhaled.. (I may have done that a few times) I got down on Zach's level and said just what I read.. "I think you pushed Keagan down because you are bored and want my attention. If you want my attention you can come give me a hug or bring me a book and ask me nicely to read."
Zach gave me a hug. Told me he loved me. I heard my inner new-mom cheer and applaud. You did it. You will have children who listen and behave and you will be able to get 10 minutes to go to the bathroom and not worry what they are getting into.. this is the start of a brand new life! Go Tami!
Then Zach went over and poked Keagan right between the eyes. Before I even had a chance to react, he stretched his arms out for a hug.